E is in a funk. Last week, E took a bit of a woe is me attitude. Sandi and I, and school especially, Miss Sharon, his communication therapist, asked him why was he so blue. Apparently, there is little in life to be excited about until his next adventure (presumably to a Disney Park).
About a week after returning home from our West Coast adventure, E was already asking to jet away via his favorite airline, United. I counted the number of days we were away, 11 days and compared those with the number of days we had been home, 6 days. I explained that we were probably staying home for a while and his next adventure would have to wait. Suffice to say, he was unhappy with me, my analysis and my statement. E signaled his disapproval with a fist slam and grunt.
Returning to school after winter break is hard for all students, especially those in the Midwest (and more so when impacted by autism). It is cold, sometimes snowy. Going outside requires being bundled up with layers of thinsulate, scarves, hats etc.... Night falls around 5:00 and mornings don't break until after 6:00. Winter blues weigh heavily on all of us, but probably none more than students.
I remember as a kid E's age that life until the next break (winter, spring, summer) was slow, excruciating day by day crawl. I waited with bated breath for the next long weekend and maybe for the possibility of a snow day for a break from the monotony of school. The period from January to spring break was an exhaustive period of time, just waiting for the weather to break when winter coats, hats, mittens/gloves could be shed and we were a little closer to spring break.
As a kid we never went any where during breaks. I think I can count only a handful of vacations my brother and parents took. Most trips were day trips when my dad could get coverage for the hospital. I think my perception of vacations was framed by my classmates' excite more than my own. Breaks from school were spent at home, causing damage or mayhem to our home and the neighborhood with our fair share of water balloon fights, baseball and basketball games and food fights (in the kitchen) [Note: Food fights are not particularly enjoyed by my parents, especially, when there is a pizza stuck the kitchen ceiling].
For E, we have often traveled for each break. At 12, I had only been to five states and never outside the country. E attained that level of travel by age 4. I can see why his expectation is that he should be traveling as he has done so most of his life. E has been out of the country twice and visited 19 states. The only reason I can say that I match his travel profile is because I took him to all of these places. I know that E would gladly trade all of this travel in to go to Disney or as he says.....Dis-N.
Our recent adventure to Disneyland was born from our spending Thanksgiving with my parents. E walked up to my mom, with a Disney movie in his hand, leaned his head onto hers and said Dis-N. My parents love these exchanges for two reasons: 1) There is no thing they wouldn't do for E. 2) The neuro-typicalliness of exchange know that E is a schemer like I was. [I am reformed now].
My mom trying to decipher the context looked at me. I said "Disney movie", which she then said to E. E shook his head NO. I then said "Disneyland", which my mom repeated to E. A smile came across E's face. My mom continued and asked E, "Do you want to go to Disneyland?" E smiled even bigger and responded with "Puh-eessss". There are very few motivating points to get E to use his limited word approximations, but asking E if he wants to go to Disneyland will ALWAYS provoke a PLEASE. My mom hugged E, turned her head in my direction and commanded that E was to go to Disneyland.
No problem; I'll just fold my arms, blink my eyes and magically transport so to Disneyland. What my mom should have commanded was that E was to go to Disneyland on his next break. E takes some things literally. Saying E could go to Disneyland without the next break qualifier was the equivalent to saying to E, go get your shoes on, we are going to Disneyland, right now.
After clarifying when he would be actually going, the eventual tantrum regarding the delay and recovery, E had something we realize he needed, but often forget to put in place: a reason or motivation to continue to work.
E has to physically work hard to accomplish what a typical 12 year old accomplishes. He has to type just about everything he wants to communicate. E has a shorthand vocabulary that allows him some shortcuts in communication, but more often than not, he has to type. He is not a typical kid even under the broad sense of the term, but that doesn't mean he won't respond to typical motivators. Have we used a trip to Disneyland/DisneyWorld as a motivator? Absolutely. Trips to Toys R Us, GameStop or Best Buy? Yup. Positive reinforcement is a great tool for conditioning behavior and we use it A LOT.
E has been to Disneyland/DisneyWorld or both every year he has lived. Yes, he is a bit spoiled, but it is hard to deny that for E, life between Disney visits is all about work and overcoming his challenges. He lives for that long weekend or week, where he can enjoy being a kid, seeing the characters, enjoying the attractions and room service. I think that E will always love his trips to Dis-N and given the ear to ear smile to brings to his face, Sandi and I will too.
Thanks E for working so hard 48+ weeks a year and earning those trips to Disney; don't worry, one is right around the corner!
Thanks for reading; more to come.
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